Although I don’t agree with this statement above I want you to know that, you have caused me to realize why feminism is inherently flawed.

It’s difficult to put into words, but at least part of the reason it’s fatally flawed, is that feminism doesn’t realize how deeply it works against human nature…at least the current state of human nature, which for all we know, has been deeply degraded.

How did I realize this? Writing (and therefore thinking deeply about) my true love story. A question I have often wondered about, with regard to that old relationship, was what in the hell was wrong with me, that I allowed myself to become deeply entrenched in a volatile relationship with a brilliant, but vicious and brutal thug. What the fuck was wrong with me????

I never could answer that question for myself, until recently, and the answer is that on some level, I expected and even liked, brutal and vicious and violent behavior.

But that is actually to hugely simplify a dynamic far too complex, and women attack me for saying things like this, I guess because statements like that one are hugely problematic for women. It puts us in a catch-22. If you like it, then you will get it. But once you get it, you won’t like it.

That’s sort of what happened to me.

I don’t want to digress into the story, but let me say, that relationship was so frightening and intense, I repressed it for many years; and have failed to come to terms with it completely. When I tried with my therapist, (some ten years ago) she told me that I was being ridiculous not to realize that Key was a bad boy, who would have destroyed my life, blah, blah, blah.

BUT THAT WAS NOT THE POINT!

I mean, I knew all that. What I was trying to figure out was how I even ended up in that relationship. What was so flawed in me that attracted that?

You are the only person who has come close to helping me answer that question. And not just because of your responses to me, on this one issue, but because of your take on feminism, sexism, and human nature generally.

So here is what I realize, because of you, (and I want you to know I am so grateful because I have wondered about this for about 30 years!)

The relationship between me and Key was great at first, because he was a good friend and was actually helping me climb out of a deep depression. That’s how I got into the relationship.

Then…we had sex. It changed everything. It made him become much more aggressive in his attempts to control me. He really adopted this attitude of “you are my possession.”

Then, I felt like he was going to kill me. Why? Because he was trying to protect me in an extremely unstable environment. He felt like he needed to control me, because if he didn’t, I would probably get killed in that environment. So controlling me (putting me in a box and saying, stay there, don’t move, unless I say so) was his solution to the threat as he saw it.

But all of his controlling and aggressive behavior, felt like death to me anyway. In protecting me, he was killing me.

Catch 22.

Well…this is such a huge oversimplification of an extraordinarily complex issue. But now I believe I do understand why some men kill their wives and why feminism, given the current state of humanity, will never work.

Well thanks for the insight, John, truly. I am not sure what to make of it…but thanks.

Working with the Light!

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