Awwwww…this means so much to me. You just don’t know. You’re very brave to tell your story. Very brave.
Unfortunately, I’ve heard this story many times. Not usually that extreme. But I’m well aware of the vast problem that rape and sexual assault is for humans, (it’s not just women who get raped.) Rape really is about power, or the abuse of it. Boys and men get raped too, they just don’t speak of it. Unless they are incredibly courageous.
I totally understand that I come off as too raw, for too many. I totally get that. I try to tone myself down, but the older I get, the harder that is to do.
It’s really on my heart to speak truthfully about intimate violence and sexual assault, because I too have suffered from both, but worse yet, seen both devastate the lives of those who I care about.
You know the most devastating thing I’ve ever heard? It was my sister saying to me: (she’s very perceptive) “I wonder how much better, stronger, I could have been, had daddy loved me.”
Damn. It broke my heart. My sister can tell stories from her life, that sounds like some that are coming from yours. She’s very pretty. So many men want her. You can’t really tell what race she is, and she’s very smart. She’s almost been beaten to death…by an angry lover.
One of my brothers would be described as a total nutcase, and the other? A career criminal — pharmaceuticals. I am so ashamed to say that. He is the guy you fear. I am so ashamed to say that.
And you might be wondering, what does this have to do with y’all father? It all traces back…trust me.
Those two things, sexual assault and intimate violence, destroyed my childhood family. My siblings are all hot messes…and I am the oldest and the strongest, but I carry so much guilt and survivors remorse. Why am I the only one who escaped sort of unscathed? And believe me…they let me know it, all the time.
Amber you were so smart to get away…
You were so smart to get an education…
You were so smart to marry Brian…
But they used to say:
You left us!
And I did…and they were pissed! But I had to get away, I would have died, messing around with my crazy family.
But I did leave and I carry that heavy in my heart, everyday. So I do what I do for my people I left behind. I just want to pay my luck forward and help everyone I can.