Chief of Staff John Kelly: Out August 31st
In the no-nonsense style of a former general, Kelly will order President Trump to freeze his Twitter account and turn over his smart phone. After the president refuses, Kelly attempts to confiscate the phone and the two tumble to the floor while grappling in the Oval Office. The president’s toupee is knocked off during the skirmish, and General Kelly succeeds in seizing the cell phone. Mr. Trump goes ballistic and orders Kelly’s resignation. The chief of staff obliges an hour later. President Trump tweets about the resignation an hour after that.