I think this says a lot about how some men see women. They naturally assume they are smarter than us, and that anything that infringes on their version of events in which women are either mislead or less intelligent, has to be responded to by belittling our ability through explaining. If they can’t disagree with us, they simply repeat our point back to us to hold onto their position as superior educator. They knew all the facts. They didn’t need to read our article because they already knew it all. How…
Madelaine Lucy Hanson
I don’t know why men do this stupid, stupid, stupid sh@t, but it’s pathological. It might be written into their DNA even.
It happens so consistently and they seem to be so oblivious to it, maybe they really are. Like maybe, there is some subconscious brain process where the brain is like: oh oh, intelligent woman speaking, record everything she says, repeat it back to assume dominance, and immediately disremember that she said it first, to protect your ego. You must believe that you are smarter and really had all the ideas you stole from her.
I say this because I have experienced this phenomenon with men I love and respect and they love and respect me, and yet…they pull that shit incessantly, and honestly seem to truly believe they thought of whatever I said first.
For years, I found this exasperating. Until I started talking to other women about it. Then I was like, “Wow, this happens to you too?”
With so many women experiencing the exact same thing, I now know, this is a man ego thing. It is really, really, REALLY important to men to pretend that they got there first, and also to mansplain.
So let them. Sure it’s patronizing, and if I was a man I would hope I wouldn’t have an ego this fragile that I would need to be patronized in this way, but honestly? A lot of men seem to need this. Even more honest, there are tons of women who seem to enjoy patronizing men in this way.
And mansplaining is not all bad. I mean think about it. Men like to explain things, to women, in simple steps, as if women are children. It is annoying if they are stealing your ideas and telling you something you already know. But what if it’s something you don’t?
I have purposely gotten men to mansplain things to me, when I wanted to know something and was too lazy to do the research myself, things like investment strategies, car engines, planes, stuff I really don’t know about. Think about it, in those instances the mansplaining is actually helpful.
So ladies…use it to your advantage. The dumber you act, the more exited they get…I kid you not. Try it out. Get a man to explain something to you, once in a while. It’s quite the ego boost for him, and you’ll actually learn something new! John Hopkins and Svetlana Voreskova, I wonder what you two think of my take on this? Svetlana is going to hate it, and find all kinds of fault with it, cause well it’s me and she has to! But John might think I’m on to something. Then again he might not. I’m really curious because we generally do not agree on these issues. Me and Svetlana never find common ground. And on this particular topic, John and I rarely find common ground, but at least John will entertain my ideas and not seek to nuke them immediately, like Svetlana.
But seriously, I have had the same experiences as the woman above. I learned early on most men just don’t like smart women. So as for me, I learned to go along to get along and just play dumb sometimes.
I learned to play this game when I was about 15, and noticed how so many boys loved my dumb acting friend, but wouldn’t give me the time of day. I asked her, why did she have to act so dumb, whenever boys came around. She told me because she wanted them to like her, and she didn’t want to “turn them off” like I did.
She also pointed out no boy was going to want to talk to a girl as smart as me, and why did I always have to run off at the mouth proving how smart I was all the time?
And so… I tried an experiment, just for kicks…what if I acted like I was stupid?
It was like putting on the most powerful aphrodisiac ever. They came out the woodwork for me.
And so teen boys like dumb girls…most of them, anyway. It makes sense if you think about it. Do they ever mature out of this? Not necessarily.
So, logically it follows men like dumb women, at least initially. If you’re really dumb, in the long run that’s going to probably become a drag. But statistics show, very clearly, men do not like women they perceive as being smarter than them. They like to believe that their mates are slightly less intelligent than they are. Higher intelligence in women is really a big turn off for most men. And if you happen to be a highly intelligent woman in a position of power in your workplace, I’m just going to say it, most men will dislike you if not outright hate you.
I have found, only the most secure and confident of men can appreciate female intelligence and not be intimidated by it. And even they have their limits of what they will entertain. I’m just being honest.
So if you’re a smart woman, you have to come to terms with this and act accordingly. Men are not going to change. Not without a fight anyway, and right now precisely because of so much revelation and change, men are fighting tooth and nail to keep everything status quo. They will continue to mansplain harder than ever, for all of the reasons described above.
No most men don’t like to entertain the idea of women being as intelligent as men seem to think they are. Nor do they like the idea of equal pay for equal work when it’s women who are getting paid equally and no, hell no these men don’t like women actually getting credit for their own ideas. Whose ideas would men steal if not some smart woman’s? It’s easy pickings, as women rarely confront, unlike most men.
Think of it this way, all these annoying things that men do to women in the workplace, they try the same shit with each other, but men confront one another OR they will concede and respect another man’s dominance, if the other man is clearly in a position of authority.
But women are different. We don’t necessarily confront when disrespected (which make us easy targets for disrespectful idea stealing) but neither do we automatically respond or respect hierarchy in the same way that men do. Men assume that we will endlessly allow them to idea steal, because like a weaker man, we will respect the male dominance. But no…our minds just don’t work like that. Our minds work more like this: “this is the 191st time you’ve repeated something back to me that I just said and I have had it! Enough of this bullshit!”
Which is kind of the point made in this article.
But at the heart of the issue, at the very crux is the way men relate to other MEN. It’s constantly about competition and dominance and pecking order, when they relate to women they want to force us into that paradigm and worldview but we don’t fit. We are different.
I think men feel something along these lines: It is exhausting competing with other men, all the time, I will be damned if I am also going to compete with women. I’m not. I refuse to do it. When a woman is smart and bright and capable, I’ll ignore her. All the other men will too, and in this way, we will all protect male dominance and only worry about competing with each other. (Something they are obsessed with.)
Where does this leave women, though? SOL and always having her ideas stolen and repeated back to her. I’m so sorry, it’s not likely to stop anytime soon. In fact, it’s probably only going to get worse, if national political trends are future indications.