I read this over twice, because I was amazed at how thoroughly you captured how women fail themselves and one another.
But really, even among the most liberated and enlightened amongst us, this stuff isn’t easy to remedy or even address. I mean we’re talking about people’s religions and cultures, and although I agree with Everything you said -100%, all of it, absolutely — I also think I understand why the misogyny persists, and why other women keep it going. It’s the same reason women don’t easily leave abusive relationships — there is a psychology there, a sickness that feeds on that whole dominant/submissiveness dynamic. That sickness is not going to just be contained to the relationship, it is going to spill out, to the rest of the society, to the kids from that relationship -ripple effects everywhere, until you get exactly the sort of woman policing system you described.
Women who are forced to be submissive and abused by other men, have to get their frustrations about the abuse out some way, other women and children are perfect targets to those who dare not question male privilege. And, because they have been so thoroughly abused, boy do they know how to abuse -passive aggressively. Women policing other women is a way for women to get a chance to subject someone else to what she’s been receiving for years. On some level it probably feels empowering.