I think you definitely have your finger on the pulse of contemporary gender issues, and this last line is perfect!
The whole “real woman” or for that matter “real man” nonsense comes from people who are very invested in keeping people inside certain binary gender roles, and make no mistake about it, most people are heavily invested in keeping us all in one gender binary box or another, which is why trans people have to deal with so much backlash.
Trans people are really requesting huge societal, emotional, logical, cognitive shifts regarding the way we all think about gender — all of us, no matter what gender we identify with or express as, and really it’s a mix bag for us all.
These shifts are necessary though because the way we think about gender is super unhealthy, super sick with regard to the elevation of the most base and toxic masculinity (the violent, sexual predator) and the degradation of the most beautiful and powerful feminine (the fertile nurturer). These polarizations are unhealthy, we all need to see gender in more holistic nuanced ways. It’s not this ridiculous, binary either/or proposition. There are hundreds if not thousands or millions of ways of being really female or male — idiotic to dumb it all down to a handfall of useless stereotypes.