It’s an interesting dilemma, all of these high quality women like yourself who are fully ready, willing and able to become excellent mothers as opposed to all of the low quality, hardly prepared silly, simple dumb ones who do, without much forethought or preparation. (I’m in a mood; and dealing with a situation — please indulge me without launching into a feminist rant.)

A lot (though certainly not all) of African-American culture is matriarchal. Which is to say, African-American women yield A LOT of power in families. Ever heard of a “Big Ma”? Well I have. A Big Ma, is typically a grandma or a great grandma, who sort of rules over a large extended family (that sort of operates, as I imagine an African tribe does) by being the arbiter of all that is fair and just and right within the family.

Except…what if she’s not? What if your Big Ma is a bit of a really, unfair and biased sort of bitch? I’m just asking…like I said, I’m dealing with a situation.

As I am being groomed for Big Ma-ship…I am asking myself some really hard questions about what it means to hold that position in a way that is just and fair; and what do you do about children who simply will not cooperate with family standards set, no matter what kind of consequences they experience for their actions.

Without knowing the full story, I get that it’s difficult to know exactly what I’m talking about. But let’s just say it plain: all kinfolk ain’t cut out for motherhood. It’s an extraordinarily difficult job requiring endless amounts of self-sacrifice…and some women (a lot of them actually) ain’t cut out for it.

Any idiot can procreate, but it takes someone with true grit and character to live up to the title of good mother or father.

I know so many black women in America, smart, educated, well prepared, who waited for all the right set of circumstances to have a child, and didn’t beat the clock.

On the other hand, I have personally dealt with the ignorant, ill prepared, popping out babies, like they’re getting paid to do it (and they kinda are, cause in America we do have a basic social net that doesn’t allow babies to starve -for now anyway…give them another year and the Pubs will change that.)

In this way, we’re sort of socially engineering ourselves into idiocy as well as producing fodder for the the criminal justice/modern slavery machine.

I know…you’re thinking, “what’s your point?” I don’t know that I have one. Except this: I resent being groomed for Big Ma-Dom, when the society and the surrounding circumstances are sooooooooooooooo f@cked up! It’s a sucky job! Trying to save kids from the school to prison pipeline! That sucks!

And I think this is why, black and brown women are Sooooooooooooooooooo 😡 angry about the police state that America has always lightweight implemented. We are soooooooooooooooooo angry because it’s a system that sets us up for failure- as mas and Big mas. We don’t get a fair shot at doing that job right.

Well, anyway, I’ve ranted long enough. This was a really interesting take on motherhood that caught my eye, because I am wrestling deeply with the concept of what it means to be a good, mother, sister, daughter, aunt, etc. which are really, variations on the same theme ultimately.

Working with the Light!

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store