Just to be able to write what you wrote as honestly and authentically as you did, took tremendous strength and courage. You do not sound weak, or full of self-pity.
You sound like someone doing an extraordinary job of coping with a trauma, despite the fact that you had access to no real resources to help you cope at the time the trauma occurred.
Our society largely fails victims of sexual violence and intimate violence — and given that the failures our collective and on so many levels — no one has any right to judge you (still they will). You should not be judging yourself either. You did the best you could do with what you had at the time. Know that you are awesome for surviving.
We should all take a step back and consider how we fail victims of these crimes, by the judgements we make.
I know the alcohol usage is controversial. I agree that no one should be raped while intoxicated or drugged, but at the same time, as a safety issue, young people should be warned about the dangers of alcohol usage and especially in places were predators lurk and hide.
Fraternity parties for example. I promise you there are predators there attempting to get people drunk and/or drug them for sexual exploitation. This is a specific tactic shared among predatory types. Therefore, it is wise to be cautious about what one drinks and with whom one drinks and where, because of these tactics.
Even still, the most cautious among us can be drugged and assaulted because they trusted the wrong person.
Your story, while sad, is hardly unique. There are so many young women living through this exact sort of experience, and even worse. The tremendous outcry that we are living through right now, with regard to all of this is a wake up call to all of us that we must do better! We must do more to understand sexual assault and to effectively educate and prevent against it.