Oh…I wish you had gotten what you wanted. What you were wanting, was so much more than the ridiculous idiotic nonsense that most people try to attract. You wanted community, a place that really felt like home. I’m sad you didn’t get it. But, you just never know. You still might.
Like I said before, to my experience, that which we want the most seems the hardest to manifest…and yet, when we totally give up on it, that’s when it seems to happen.
I’m someone who used to live my life with lists, and goals and plans. Every year I would make a list of what I hoped to accomplish. And every year, I would some how get 3/4s of it done. Never the really big stuff though, never the ultimate desires of my heart.
In 2013, though, something happened to me. An NDE which just essentially changed me to my core. I don’t often speak about it, because there just are no words.
But the result is I don’t really want anything anymore. Which, believe it or not, is almost as uncomfortable as wanting something and not getting it. I have become really detached from almost all the things I was once real attached to. The result is things actually come easier. Things that I really, really wanted, I actually started to get, once I said, you know what, if I get it, I get it, and if I don’t, I won’t.
I’m really struck by your article, because I just recently had almost the exact same experience you described, in a place I often vacation, just last month! And I said to myself, “Oh! I know what I want! I want to live here!”
And I felt relieved to actually want something again. I felt that for all the same reasons you described..the place feels like home, for me. But, much like you, I have no idea how I will get there. My life is complicated in ways that do not really allow me to just move there. So this piece really touched me. I would have been thrilled if you told me a story about how you some how ended up exactly where you wanted to be, despite the obstacles.
But you didn’t. I feel like it should have happened for you. And yet it still might. Or even something better.
What does any of it mean? I am asking the exact same questions as you, as I have heard the universe whispering intensely to me at times also…it hasn’t worked out as I imagined it would, though.
I too have moved through phases of extreme expectation, to disappointment and then frustration. And then I just let go, because I got sick. Really sick. I almost died. I don’t think me getting sick had anything to do with LoA, though. I’m pretty clear on how and why I got sick.
But…that experience (almost dying) changed everything. I just don’t see anything quite the same. the things we think are so important in life, largely are not. Moments of kindness are actually the most important and precious things.
I just started investing energy into the LoA thing again because of this place I want to be. LoA has always worked for me, partially. I have always had my lists, and the things on the list would come to fruition, and yes I had to work toward it, but also some stuff would just happen in ways I would have never imagined.
Like for example, I really wanted a new car…but knew I would not get one because the car I had was paid for, worked fine and there was just no need. But I was so sick of that car.
Be careful what you wish for…my son wrecked my car. He was fine. But…I had to get a new car. And I got exactly what I wanted. I’m a practical person who largely thinks wanting a new car, just to want it, is really stupid. I wasn’t all that attached to the idea of having a new car. I simply thought, you know it would be nice to have a newer nicer car. And I got it. Odd how that worked out.
So this is why I believe that LoA sort of works. Could have been coincidence. But what an odd sort of coincidence.
So I want to move to the beach and I want a certain type of career experience that has always evaded me. But this time, as I go about pursuing this via LoA, I can honestly be detached, because I am really beginning to understand what is really important. Moments…
If the move happens, then it happens. That’s fine, but if it doesn’t, putting one foot in front of the other is fine as well. What you’ve written here actually makes me feel this even more so, because you make me realize that there is such a graciousness in being thankful for what we have, (moments) and not holding on to expectations of experiences that may not even be for us.
You didn’t get what you wanted, but what you’ve got may turn out to be even better. I hope it does.