…on of our collective idea of masculinity and how we understand it to function in relation to women. If masculinity is expected to be easily provoked and readily passing out violence for any suspected slight to its domination, then the question transforms into a question of worth. Not of the worth of masculinity but of the worth of the women in our society. For Black men or men of color this question is two and a half times more important, because that is …
Thank you Daniel for asking the hard questions…you won’t get any answers though. People, women nor men, will not face the truth; and the truth is that women’s lives are valued, very little and as a result children’s lives are valued even less (as women are on the front lines of caring for children.)
I grew up in a very violent home…my father was extraordinarily abusive to my mother. She left him eventually. She told her story about it, and was often rewarded. She was such the victim…and yet she overcame. People love to hear that f@cking story. They just do.
As the oldest girl, growing up in madness, I see the story a bit differently. The biggest victims in all of that were my siblings. To this day, their stories untold, and the biggest loser of them all…my baby brother.
He has grown into a man who often has Ray Rice sort of moments. He will knock a baby-mama out cold and step over her lifeless body, while his kids watch, utterly terrified, deep in their DNA. This is a bone deep destruction that goes never fully heals. Never.
And it’s easy for people to hate him. To say, “well he’s the problem…and if it wasn’t for men like him…”
But they don’t know what I know, which is what happened to him…what he saw…what he lived through…days old, weeks old, months old…and, I’ll tell you this much. The kinds of things that turn normal people into serial killers.
Probably there is no greater threat to humanity than this, shoving terror and fear down small children’s throats, while we all endlessly applaud the violence that masquerades as masculinity. Which it’s not. There is nothing particularly masculine about bullying, beating, terrorizing and even preying upon those weaker. It is in fact the ultimate in cowardice.
But until large numbers of people see it differently, it’s not just women who are devalued, it is men, it is certainly children, it is the whole of humanity itself.