Wow. Very perceptive Ron! I’ve often thought this about men, have told other women this about men, but I’ve never heard a man articulate this so clearly or eloquently! Wow! What depth you seem to have, at times! You like jazz and for all your endless anti-feminism ranting, you seem to truly value women, in ways that they should value themselves. For whatever reason you seem to think these qualities only belong to conservative women, but you know, whatever works for you.
It’s good advice. What if you have a career in giving great advice to self-sabotaging women? (News flash they do actually come in all sorts of different political flavors, you could help them all!) Oh the irony!
No but seriously, I think this is great advice — and I was recently talking to a friend about this and I was all like, yes some men are going to obsess over your nails and hair and clothes etc, but that’s not a man you want to be bothered with, because that man is looking for a prop and not a person. I decided long ago I wouldn’t play the pretty girl game, cause it’s expensive and exhausting. Do you know it takes no less then an hour to put on a perfect face? Closer to two. And yet so many women wrap so much of their sense of self into that game. It is a losing game.
I have — and I know this is going to sound arrogant and I don’t mean for it to be so — but I have never had a problem attracting men. Never. This should be shocking because I’m not a pretty girl, or overly feminine or represent any of the things that our society considers attractive for women. So why then do men find me attractive? If I had to guess, I’d say it’s confidence. I can appear to be really confident, at times. Sometimes I really am and sometimes I am faking it, but confidence is something I think all people find attractive. I’m also real — you know this. I’m going to say what I really think, tell you what I really want -straight no chaser. That’s a communication style that men prefer, I find. Women? Not so much.
Studies show that there is a perception that women are more deceptive than men, but that’s not true. Both genders are equally deceptive. So why the misperception? I think it’s because women are deceptive about being nice, caring and kind and that seems particularly treacherous-especially to many men who are unable to read the nuances of emotional expression. They think they are being cared for, really they are about to be stabbed in the back by a woman he didn’t know could be calculating and conniving. I’ve seen this sort of thing play out in plenty of relationships.
But to be fair, women have to operate under a large number of societal constraints that men do not, when it comes to socially acceptable behavior.
Of you’re not appropriately nice, you’re labeled a bitch. You have to either accept being labeled a bitch or try to be appropriately nice. I can do both. Here’s what I know, to a certain extent, men like bitches — at least in personal relationships. They like a certain amount, though not too much, push back. They don’t want, like or respect pushovers. And if they have a nice-girl push over, they will take advantage.
Women, also, are supposed to want to be physically attractive to men. If you don’t want to be a pretty girl, (and by that I mean spending hours on clothes, nails and hair) you will receive a tremendous amount of backlash (from other women) who believe that you should be trying to fulfill that beauty standard. I know. I have dealt with this all my life. Men on the other hand, pay minimal attention to makeup and hair. But some men do know how to pick up on the fact that a woman doesn’t feel good about herself because of her makeup and hair; and he will use that to his advantage, so we’re back to confidence being an issue.
All my life, I’ve found that certain men find me attractive. I find this shocking because I’m not particularly nice or particularly pretty, and I don’t try to be attractive to anyone, I just try to be me. I’m mainly true to myself. It’s wild that this can be enough, but if I think about it, this is a quality that makes me attractive to both men and women — so I guess it’s a quality that is universally appreciated by all.
My point is — and this is interesting because I’ve talked to sooooooo many women who so stress dating and relationships with men — that maybe the huge gender divide could be resolved if people were to just be genuine and authentic? Honest and real? Maybe that’s what people really want? I tell my friends, before you try to get into some deep relationship with anyone else, you have got to be good with your relationship with yourself. Because when you are, no one on a date could make you feel like crap.
True story, I just recently went on a date from hell — and had a ball! Okay full disclosure it wasn’t my date. I was accompanying a friend on a blind date. It was super awkward! But super fun! After the date was over, did my friend feel rejected? No! She was like, that’s not the guy for me and kept it moving. She’s very confident. Never has a problem meeting men.
Look you and me could do a relationship advice column! It would be great!